My husband acts like a child when we argue

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My husband acts like a child when we argue

It is generally regarded by most people that women mature faster than men do. There are a lot of reasons for this, but the one that needs to be addressed here is what actually matures a person. Maturity is the recognition of responsibility and then the acceptance of that responsibility as a necessity in one's own life. A woman typically comes to this realization faster than a man does.

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Often a man sees responsibility as an enemy, something that just gets in his way of living and having fun. This attitude is devastating to those who either depend upon him or who wish him to take an active role in a relationship.

my husband acts like a child when we argue

In my counseling, I've notice that many men don't mature upon marriage. They still have that single guy's attitude and that single guy's penchant for fun and games. Marriage often doesn't settle him down. But children might. This is not a recommendation, merely an observation. I've notice that when a man holds an infant that cannot care for itself the realization of that responsibility sinks in for many men.

A wife needs to isolate what areas her husband is immature in. More than likely, it is not in every area. List all of his responsibilities, those things that he is directly responsible for, and rate them. His wife, his children, his job, perhaps the finances, maybe the maintenance of the house, and whatever else you can think of are things that ought to go on this list.

This has the added benefit of helping you to isolate your own frustration. He may be good with the children and be lousy with money. He may be great with money but not very good at providing you with needed security. He might be fantastic with his work ethic, but sloppy with his things at home.

Find out what areas are causing you the frustration. Praise him for the areas he does well in. It is difficult for a man to deal with a nagging and unhappy wife. Most men deal with emotions in such a different way than their wife does that he doesn't know how to handle hers. But he loves praise.

Praise will encourage him and may even help him towards being responsible in those other weak areas. What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again?When do men grow up?

Responsibility is no fun, but once women commit, they can sacrifice, give, grow up. Most men seem to lack this capability. Well, dear reader, I feel your pain. He wants to go out like he did before we had kids. He drinks too much at times. If our kid is sick, I stay home or make care arrangements.

my husband acts like a child when we argue

I take our child to every appointment and birthday party. He frequently leaves to pursue hobbies, although I have not had a hobby in five years, unless resentment is a hobby. I have found every babysitter we have ever employed.

Can you imagine living with this? They come to a relationship thinking it will be easy. They come into parenting thinking it will be easy. Women come into both of those things expecting to work hard at them and that this work will likely be difficult. You cannot make him think five hundred steps ahead like you do.

However, you still have to deal with him. So here some ways to increase the likelihood that he does more things you want him to do with less of a martyred attitude. Have you ever heard of maternal gatekeeping? This is the phenomenon of women subconsciously blocking men from having an equal hand in parenting. Moms gatekeep for many reasons. They may actually think that their husband is parenting so poorly that the children will suffer. They also may have a deep desire to be the main parent that the kids turn to- the traditional mom role- and this is a main part of their identity as a woman and mother.

Therefore, they act like they want the man involved but they unconsciously criticize him and push him away when he tries. If you want your husband to step up to the plate more often, you are going to have to be okay with how he does things.How can she get back to maturity and confidence in God, instead of trying to fix, manage and protect her man? New love comes with hard falls. Falling hard in love, I mean.

For some wives, a grand love can turn into something else when she encounters the storms of early marriage. Instead of allowing trials to mature her love, into a type that knows she cannot save her loved one from consequences, she can slide into protective mothering behavior.

I am familiar with the reaction because I wrestled with the feeling as a newlywed wife. And I am still a work in progress, nine years later. As a newlywed wifeI felt like it was my job to make my marriage shine. It was an unconscious thought for the most part, and it persisted notwithstanding excellent premarital preparation and godly examples in my life. A few things influenced my thinking, namely, pride, ignorance and social influence. Pride, because I wanted everyone to think I had a perfect marriage.

That I had married a perfect man, which made me a chooser extraordinaire. Ignorance because I was blind, with deep-rooted notions about how a good marriage looks like.

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Social influence because I grew up in a highly patriarchal society — women had less say in relationships; yet were expected to be more mature, carrying the weight of the home if the husband slacked off. Now my husband was not being irresponsible; he was just in over his head, like most newlywed men who are learning what it means to be a husband and to lead a home.

But when you walk with Jesus, He will point out the error of your ways. But you know, hindsight is also a good teacher.

So here it is. Your husband is not a child. You need to stop treating him like one. You see, when a little person hurts himself, the adult runs over to comfort and sooth their pain, and put away whatever hurt them. Errors and pains are inherent to growing up and we all understand that. A child behaving like a child is normal. A grown man being treated like a child is abnormal.

And the mollycoddling almost always results in more significant storms. You are so embarrassed and decide to stay at home too, lest people ask you where he is when you show up at church alone.

When a child falls into trouble, whether by accident or choice, the adult engages that child at their level. But what happens if the child sticks two fingers into their two little ears, raises their voice to drown out the adult voice?Also known as a "Peter Pan," a "man-child" is a man who refuses to grow up. His emotional and mental capacity is that of a teenager. He is immature, irresponsible and unreliable. You are overworked, overly responsible, and overcompensating for his deficits.

At first, you were drawn to him thinking he was fun, carefree, and laid back. As alluring as this was at first, you grew up, became an adult, and he did not.

You know the story: behind every Peter Pan is a Wendy. Your maternal instincts kicked into overdrive.

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You were quick to take him under your wing and help guide him. You are now beyond frustration at the current state of your marriage. Your sexual desire for him is completely gone. What do you do now? Will this man ever grow up? You have to realize that you are part of the reason that your spouse continues to act the way he does.

Is Your Husband a Man-Child?

Think back to your childhood. Were you made to grow up too fast or be overly responsible? Maybe you had to take care of an alcoholic or neglectful parent. Were you in charge of your younger siblings? You most likely got stuck in such a role, then brought your care-taking behavior into adulthood, including your current romantic relationships. It is time to stop picking up the slack for this man. It will be critical for you to create healthy boundaries.

Once you do, it is not guaranteed that he will finally grow up.My niece is taller than me. She has always been tall.

my husband acts like a child when we argue

She was so tall as a child, her mom had to travel with her birth certificate to sporting events. When she was four or five, I had to continually remind myself that she was only 4 or 5.

She was so tall that she looked far older than she actually was. See: Leadership—Learning to Take a Punch. As a leader, there are times in which someone who looks like an adult does not act their age. On occasion, a man acts like a child. It can happen to any of us in a situation. We can lose our bearings, forget our surroundings, and act like a child.

It happens to some in all situations because they lack the emotional ability to see how their actions influence others.

My Husband Acts Like A Child

As a three year-old cannot fully understand how their tantrum makes their mom feel, some people do not have the capability to see the pain they inflict on others. As a leader, it is vital to understand that sometimes a man will act like a child.

And we should know how to handle it. They refuse to respond like a child. The temptation when someone acts like a child is to begin acting like them. They yell so you yell back. They make petty accusations so you respond in kind. Whether in parenting or leadership, when someone acts like a child, the person in charge must continue to act like an adult.

When leaders respond like children, everyone suffers. They refuse to be moved by the child. A second temptation when someone acts like a child is to allow them to get their way. They do so to the detriment of organizations and communities. The last person who needs to be setting the direction for a group is the person not mature enough to act like an adult. Good leaders see childish behavior and compassionately reject the behavior. Sometimes they ignore it. Sometimes they have to confront it and call it what it is.

But they never are manipulated by it.

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This causes the leader to question themselves. Often, the childish person will make petty accusations which puts the leader on the defensive. In part, it is difficult because others always join in the behavior.

While one person is acting like a child, others begin to mimic the behavior. In some situations, a good leader can feel like the only adult in the room.The following has been developed into a book, Friends, Partners, and Lovers.

My Husband Is Immature – What Should I Do?

When partners begin a business, they bring different strengths, abilities, and backgrounds believing they are better together than apart. They want to leverage their differences to the benefit of both parties.

They rejoice in differences because it adds strength to the organization, but their relationship is cemented by similar goals, desires, and ambitions. Far too many people wanted to marry a partner, but instead, they married a child. Far too many people pledged to be a partner, but they are acting like a dependent.

Children are great. I will love mine forever, and I love most of yours for about an hour. They are wonderful. I do not expect my children to be an equal partner in the family. They will not contribute as much as me and my wife.

They will not be responsible for as many things. They will not feel t. I want them to be children. But I want my wife to be my wife and she wants me to be her husband. On paper these are marriages, but in practice they are parent-child relationships.

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And it is unfair to both parties. See: The Math of a Good Marriage. The first piece of advice in working with couples in these types of relationships is obvious— tell one spouse to stop being a child. Start being a man. Parent-child relationships are not always arranged where the man plays the role of the child, but in my experience it is more often that way than the reverse.

In these cases, I plead with the man to be a man. Their wives deserve a full-partner, not another dependent. They need to do their job. Yet the second piece of advice is sometimes shocking— I tell the other spouse to stop being the parent.

In the same way the spouse who is acting like a child needs to stop acting like a child, a spouse who is acting like a parent needs to stop acting like a parent.

It does mean they do what they are supposed to do and stop doing what their spouse should do. While it is no excuse for the spouse playing the role of the child, one reason many spouses play that role is because they are allowed to do so without any real consequences. So the active alcoholic or relapsed prescription drug user or the wannabe rock star can ignore their family and their responsibilities without experiencing homelessness, separation from their children, and an end to their intimate relationship with their spouse.

Why should they grow up if they never experience the negative consequences of their decisions? It does mean they are equally invested, equally involved, and equally responsible. If you are married to a child: Make an appointment with a marriage counselor. Your spouse will likely go because most children obey their parents. Begin to work with a professional on how you can stop enabling your spouse and give them the opportunity to take responsibility for their own lives.Dating isn't always an easy road.

So when you think you've finally found the one, whether it's your boyfriend or husband, you're psyched. Until you start noticing signs your SO is a man-child. You assume that kind of behavior would rear its ugly head on the first date.

But there's a huge difference between dating a man-child and dating a scrub. A man-child can actually be kind of endearing at first. You think they're giving the middle finger to societal norms because they march to the beat of their own drum. You assume that they're a free bird and that their immaturity is really them just having a good time. I'm a man child's girlfriend. They are demanding, selfish, and immature.

My Husband Acts Like a Child

They think the sun rises and sets on them, and they can't handle any responsibilities. They act like a giant toddler, but without the cute dimples or the luxury of being two years old. You think you can change him, and maybe you can, but it's not going to be easy. If your guy is showing any of these traits, he's got some serious growing up to do. Whether it's over sex, a date night, or a dinner request, a man-child will throw a tantrum when he doesn't get what he wants.

my husband acts like a child when we argue

And a tantrum doesn't have to be on the floor kicking feet and banging fists. A tantrum can be pouting for hours, making you feel bad for refusing him, or even yelling and arguing until you give in. Basically, acting like an overgrown toddler. A man-child will deny that they have done anything wrong, even if you've caught them in the act. They'll lie to keep you from thinking they're anything but perfect, and will go so far as to convince you that you've made the whole thing up.

It doesn't matter if you're playing Yahtzee or if he's in an intramural softball league, anybody who can't handle losing is a total man child. In fact, if your man has this behavior, you've probably lost a game on purpose just to keep him from having a tantrum.


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